Thank you so much for the prayers. I was truly healed to a great degree that morning thanks to your prayers. I was literally planning on sleeping that P-day if things didn't begin to look better. I'm finally back to 100% capacity now in every aspect. It's truly a miracle. My testimony has been strengthened so much this week. This is really His work.
"Sooner or later, I believe that all of us experience times when the very fabric of our world tears at the seams, leaving us feeling alone, frustrated, and adrift." (Grateful in Any Circumstances, President Utchdorf, GC April 2014)
This was one of the greatest trials of my faith. About half the time at least early in the week two weeks ago I wanted to go home. I struggled between my desires to serve God and the impending likelihood of going home honorably for some period of time. That may seem strange due to the great desires I've had for years and throughout my mission, but it happened.
The central question was do I trust God that he is in full control of this situation? I knew he had total and complete power to deliver me from the impending situation if I did all I could and turn it over to him. At the same time I had to learn trust Him enough that if it was His will that I went back to BYU. I had felt promptings that whatever happened would be His will.
I had been feeling that way for two days when I wrote two weeks ago, missionaries do need our prayers in times of distress or apparent success. I cannot begin to describe how much I was supported last week.
The promise in D&C 84:88 is true, "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." You can count on tremendous help when serving or preparing for a mission.
The principle question now is whether or not I will learn what I needed to learn. The principle of deliverance is crucial in our lives.
"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." (1 Nephi 1:20)
According to the repentance of the Nephites, they were delivered from very very desperate circumstances. When surrounded by their enemies, "And it came to pass that they did repent, and inasmuch as they did repent they did begin to prosper." (Helaman 4:15) See also the battle of the Nephites with the Gadianton Robbers that infested the land, 3 Nephi 4.
The danger now is whether I will keep in remembrance the tremendous goodness of God in delivering me from that awful state of suffering and great uncertainty to the tremendous return to previous levels of well being if not greater.
"Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity." (Helaman 12:2)
It is my testimony that the Savior lives and perfectly knows how to conduct us through this veil of sorrow and tears and every suffering imaginable.
"And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led." (1 Nephi 17:13, see also Joshua 1:5)
May we all consider the direction in our lives, and heed the voice of the Good Shephard, he is not far from any one of us.
"The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.
"He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding." (Proverbs 15:31-32)
Let us remember Him always, giving Him thanks in all things (see Alma 37:37). I know that the Everlasting Gospel has been restored to the Earth in the same manner that it has been every time God has called a prophet. God's plan for us and our lives is perfect, and a full and certain faith may be placed in it, our Heavenly Father who created it and the Savior that fulfilled it. I love you all and pray for you daily.\